Un-Monster
Created by: [Tyler]

[A knock on the door. Brandon opens the door.]

[two distinct voices]

Sam: Hey, I wanted to let you know my room flooded last night.

Brandon: No kidding. Are you okay?

S: [narrating] Smells like honey.

S: Yeah. I'm fine. My roommate left me behind in a disaster.

B: And you hit your head.

S: [surprised] How do you know that?

B: You’re a little off-balance still. I played football in college.

S: Oh. What position, can I ask?

B: Defensive end.

S: Cool. Remind me what we’re talking about.

B: Football. Before that, your head injury. Do you want to sit down?

S: You remind me of my roommate. No thanks.

B: Roommate was before head injury.

S: [laughing] Are we going backwards?

B: I certainly feel that way.

[Beat.]

S: Actually, do you mind if I sit down?

B: Go ahead.

[Sam sits, presumably inside Brandon's apartment.]

S: So there was a flood in my room last night.

B: Wow. It didn’t sound like that at all to me, but if that’s what you think, I believe you.

S: What did you hear?

B: An earthquake. But I don’t know how there was an earthquake. We don’t get those around here.

S: “Around here?” You’ve been here for a while.

B: Longer than you. You moved in not too long ago.

S: Yeah. A month or two ago.

B: I think that’s all I know right now.

S: Okay. If you notice anything else weird, will you let me know?

B: Sure, if you want. I will say whatever gets you to leave sooner.

S: What do you mean?

B: I was asleep.

[Beat.]

S: I’m so sorry.

B: Don’t worry. You didn’t wake me up. My roommate did.

S: Is he here?

B: No. He leaves all the time.

S: I get it.

B: You do?

S: Yeah. My roommate’s like that, too.

B: [complaining] Mine sleeps during the day, not at night. I had thought that was weird, but if he’s doing stuff in the apartment when I’m not awake, I guess that works for him. I’ll just have to let him know that that’s okay.

S: My roommate’s like that, too.

B: Well, hopefully, you trust him to keep everything safe after the earthquake.

S: And the flood.

B: We’re near enough to the Box Elder River, even the Salt River, that there might be some overflow. But if you say there’s a flood, then I guess there’s a flood.

S: [standing up] You sound just like my roommate.

B: Look. Just try to understand where he’s coming from. And if you hear something, will you let me know? I’ve been trying to figure out this earthquake. No one else thinks there’s enough seismic activity for it.

S: I get what you mean. Thanks. I’ll call you if anything weird happens.

[walking sounds]

[door closing]
[walking sounds]

[door opening and closing]

S: I got what he said on my phone. You want me to send it to you?

Tyler: Yes, please.

[brief pause]

S: What are you using this for anyway?

T: [unclear voice] Um. I want to get to know the neighbors.

S: You could just talk to them yourself.

T: [unclear] I get all tongue-tied. You remember how I was when I moved in.

S: [realizing] Ohh. No problem.

T: Thanks.